chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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