once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize