Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
