If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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