GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
