I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
