I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
