apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Are my feet made of real feet?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize