Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
