Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
