Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize