I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
