best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
