i wish my penis had a tongue
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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