Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
