she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
