It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
