You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
