Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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