Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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