jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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