After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
