Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
