I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
