She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
