like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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