Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
