How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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