Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
