me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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