I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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