So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize