So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
