First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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