Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
