I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
