We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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