Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
