your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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