So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
