we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
