The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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