And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
