I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
