i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
either way he was missing a nipple.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
