wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
