hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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