There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
