the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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