I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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