just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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