I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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