He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
