True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
