you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
