I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
