Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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