and you said cock pushups were impossible
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
