I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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