let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
