I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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