She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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