I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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