Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
