We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
