You can't motorboat a personality
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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