i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
