you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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