i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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