The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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