Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
