Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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