I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
