hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
