Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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