She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
