i just made my gag reflex go away.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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