i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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