dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
