I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
