I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
