Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
