you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
