Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
