But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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