It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
