So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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