if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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