those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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