Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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