i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
