its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
