Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
