I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
