I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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