oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize